Separation Anxiety

I mentioned briefly in Lydia 8 month post that she isn't a fan of strangers lately. But in the last couple weeks we seemed to have dived head first into some serious separation anxiety with our girl. As with all things baby I decided I would share my experience with you, both for your sake and for mine.

Around 4 months and 6 months Lydia showed some signs of separation anxiety when I would leave her with a regular sitter to go to school and in situations where there was a crowd of people. Looking back she would be bothered for a few days, but then it would pass by rather quickly. When we moved to NKY Lydia began being around groups of family a lot more frequently. At first she was freaked out and clung to me the whole time, but soon enough she got used to the familiar faces. Now she will consistently let my mom, sister, brother and dad hold her, and although David's side of the family is much larger she is getting more comfortable being held by other people when we are all together too.

As I began thinking about going back to work I decided that it would be really good for Lydia to be without me for some amount of time each day. Toward the beginning of August she was getting very dependent on me again so I was excited for the opportunity that going back to work would give us. When I work she stays with my mom, David's mom and David, and in general she does great for all of them. Obviously daddy is her first choice when mommy isn't around, but she doesn't throw fits at all when I leave her with Nana or Gigi.

So in a lot of ways Lydia is doing well on this front, but she has some big problems with strangers.
Most of the time when we are out in public people approach Lydia and give her a smile or say hi and every time she frowns, sticks her lip out and starts to cry. She has the same reaction to extended family members that she doesn't see very often and I just don't know what to do! I feel bad that my baby is being so mean to other people, but at the same time I know it is completely normal and other people probably understand.

Another instance where her fear of strangers is obvious is the church nursery. We have officially gotten to the point where David and I can't pay attention in church with Lydia with us. She is distracting to us and the people around us because she either wants to nap, nurse or play. We try hard to choose a service time that fits in with her nap schedule, but in the end it doesn't seem to matter. For the past 6 weeks we have consistently tried to put her in the nursery and every single time we are paged after 10 minutes. We return to the nursery to a hysterical little baby, and last week it took her 20 minutes to recover even after I had gotten her. I have no idea what to do about this issue. I want to keep trying, but at the same time it is frustrating and I hate that last week she seemed to be upset by the experience even after I showed up. Also, since we haven't chosen a new church yet I can't volunteer in the nursery and I know that being there with her would probably help. Any advice? I feel like I ask the same questions over and over... ultimately should I let her cry? Or avoid her getting upset at all costs? It is so hard to know when to guide your baby toward independence and when encourage their dependence.

The last way that I think her separation anxiety is showing up is at night. She has started to wake up more often each night and she is clear that she wants to nurse and nothing else is okay. Last night David went in to soothe her and she cried for 20 minutes, then I went in and tried to rock her and she screamed for another 15 minutes straight. Finally I gave in and let her nurse, but I knew she wasn't hungry and I really don't want to create bad habits. The same thing happens at nap time, so lately what we have had to try is David putting her to sleep after I have nursed her in a different room. Sometimes this works, and sometimes it backfires big time. It is obvious that Lydia knows what she wants, and that she will cry until she gets it. She is still so young so I know these responses aren't manipulative on her part, but again I don't want to encourage more dependence on nursing as she gets older.

Hearing my baby cry hasn't gotten much easier. And I know there aren't right and wrong answers to these questions, which makes things even harder. Some days I feel so comfortable being a parent - like I was truly made for this role and like it comes so naturally. Other days I feel like Lydia is a newborn again and I have no idea what she needs/wants and what is best for her. 

I know that we will get through this phase, just like all the others. And ultimately we won't mess her up forever. I guess that these decisions and issues seem so much bigger when you are only functioning on 4 hours of sleep.

So on that note, goodnight!