Ahh... Saturday mornings. I am currently enjoying a completely quiet house as I drink my morning coffee and do some pumping (I know - exciting). My hubby and baby are still asleep in the other room and I can already tell that this will be a great Saturday. It is nice to have some time to myself, and a minute ago while I was surfing the web for some fashion ideas (I am in need of some new clothes!), I looked down at iCal and realized that it is March 3rd... exactly two months before I am finished, forever, with school.
A couple weeks ago I officially decided that I will not be continuing on to pursue a Ph.D. in math, but will instead stop once I have completed my Master's degree. And that time, my friends, will be May 3rd. I have completed and passed my Matster's exam, and as of the end of this semester I will have earned enough credit hours to say adios to my educational career.
It was a tough decision to make. Going through college my mantra was to always leave options open - to keep any opportunity I could available to me. I never wanted to shut any doors, which is probably why in the span of 4 years I earned two Bachelor's degrees, changed my major twice and studied for a semester in another country. I love that I made the most out of my college years, but once graduation began to approach I definitely started to freak out. Now I actually had to choose something! I had to decide which road I would go down, and thus turn my back on whichever road I did not choose. So what did I do with my degrees in Math and Spanish, and my experience in education? I worked for a campus ministry of course... and after a year decided that more school would be a great option.
I don't think that all of this stemmed from indecisiveness; I really just think that I wanted to take full advantage of the years in my life when I could do whatever I felt like doing. I didn't have many responsibilities or things that were "holding me back" so I could easily jump from experience to experience only having to worry about myself. I am so happy with my decisions then to not settle on one thing because I really think that the variety of experiences shaped me into who I am today.
Obviously things have changed... in a glorious and wonderful way. Lydia Grace has changed my life forever, and even though I made the decision to be finished with school because of her, I really think that she just helped me to have the guts to finally do it. This is the first door I will ever have really closed. I know that I could finish my Ph.D. I even know that I would enjoy 3 (or 4) more years of graduate school because I really love school. However, it is not what I want most. And that is enough of a reason for me now to say no to it... to say goodbye to the opportunity forever. Because now I know that what I want to do - what I was made to do - is to be a mommy. I am not sure that I will ever want to be a "stay at home" mom full time. Knowing myself I will probably always prefer to have a part-time job, or to volunteer somewhere. But, I do know that I want Lydia, and any subsequent children, to be my main focus. And a PhD program would not allow me to keep my family as my first priority.
Therefore, in two months from today, I will say goodbye to school, probably for the rest of my life. However, I know that I will never stop learning or challenging myself intellectually. I also have absolutely no regrets about how I have spent the last two years of my life. Working toward my Master's degree has made me grow as a person and has allowed me to learn a lot about myself. Plus, it has been really, really hard on my brain, so I like to think that I will come out the other side a little bit smarter :) Ultimately, I don't think that education is ever a waste of time or energy because even though I may never use the definition of a topological manifold or analytic function in my everyday with Lydia, I know that I am now more capable to teach her and encourage her toward doing whatever it is in life that she dreams of doing.
I really can't wait until May 3rd, although I would never wish the time away. I hope that in these next two months I can savor and enjoy the end of this unique time in my family's life, and I am also hoping and praying for the best once this season has passed.
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