I usually don't do this - but today I am just going to type what I am thinking; share the thoughts that have been going through my mind. I used to do this more on the blog, before pregnancy updates and Seven Snapshots Sunday, and sometimes I miss it. And today I just really need to write. So, here it goes.
Something happened yesterday that made me feel really guilty about working. It was a day that made me realize how much I want to be with Lydia all the time - protecting her, holding her, playing with her and teaching her. And in the midst of mixed emotions, a priority re-evaluation and tough conversations I stumbled upon this article (via facebook) about What Not To Say to a Working Mom. I read it and nodded, and it led me to two other articles: one about Stay-At-Home Moms, and another about feminism. As I read the articles it hit me that I am not the only one who struggles with whether to stay home or to work - and it also hit me how ridiculous it is that any of us would declare either choice to be wrong.
It was so strange to be able to relate to the working mom and stay-at-home mom article as I feel that I really have the best of both worlds. I am grateful for my job and free child care, and I am also so thankful that I am only away from my girl until 12:30 each day. I love that I can put Lydia down for her nap and that I have time in between laundry, dishes and dinner to read her books and tickle her tummy. It is also nice to have an excuse to shower every day, to interact with independent, intelligent adults and to have a little extra money at the end of the month for a nice date night. Both sides have their advantages, and both have their challenges. And I truly do believe that it is ultimately up to each family to decide what will work best for them at any particular time.
Reading through these articles not only made me feel less alone, but it also gave me clarity on what we really need as a gender group. The feminism article really got my blood boiling, and I did not understand how one woman could say such harsh things toward other women. Especially when she is trying to protect the respect that we receive from men. Rather than saying who is right, or what decision makes you a worthy feminist I think that if we all just supported one another it would go a long way toward helping improve the view that men have of women. I really feel that all the moms I know are doing the best they can, and whether they are working or not they have the potential to impact the world in wonderful ways.
Yesterday when I was struggling with guilt and anger I knew just who to turn to. Another mommy, a good friend, and someone that I deeply respect. She stays at home full time, but I knew that I could talk to her without any judgement. She didn't say my guilt was justified because her choice was the right one - she told me I was a wonderful mom, and it was just what I needed.
Maybe we should all sing kumbaya together now??? Just kidding... but as corny as it sounds I really feel like I needed to put all this out there. I don't know if I will work this summer, or next semester. I don't know what I will do once we have more than one child. But I am not ready to make those decisions yet, and that is okay. I do know that I have people who will support me either way, and I think that is something that every mom out there needs.
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