I usually don't do this - but today I am just going to type what I am thinking; share the thoughts that have been going through my mind. I used to do this more on the blog, before pregnancy updates and Seven Snapshots Sunday, and sometimes I miss it. And today I just really need to write. So, here it goes.
Something happened yesterday that made me feel really guilty about working. It was a day that made me realize how much I want to be with Lydia all the time - protecting her, holding her, playing with her and teaching her. And in the midst of mixed emotions, a priority re-evaluation and tough conversations I stumbled upon this article (via facebook) about What Not To Say to a Working Mom. I read it and nodded, and it led me to two other articles: one about Stay-At-Home Moms, and another about feminism. As I read the articles it hit me that I am not the only one who struggles with whether to stay home or to work - and it also hit me how ridiculous it is that any of us would declare either choice to be wrong.
It was so strange to be able to relate to the working mom and stay-at-home mom article as I feel that I really have the best of both worlds. I am grateful for my job and free child care, and I am also so thankful that I am only away from my girl until 12:30 each day. I love that I can put Lydia down for her nap and that I have time in between laundry, dishes and dinner to read her books and tickle her tummy. It is also nice to have an excuse to shower every day, to interact with independent, intelligent adults and to have a little extra money at the end of the month for a nice date night. Both sides have their advantages, and both have their challenges. And I truly do believe that it is ultimately up to each family to decide what will work best for them at any particular time.
Reading through these articles not only made me feel less alone, but it also gave me clarity on what we really need as a gender group. The feminism article really got my blood boiling, and I did not understand how one woman could say such harsh things toward other women. Especially when she is trying to protect the respect that we receive from men. Rather than saying who is right, or what decision makes you a worthy feminist I think that if we all just supported one another it would go a long way toward helping improve the view that men have of women. I really feel that all the moms I know are doing the best they can, and whether they are working or not they have the potential to impact the world in wonderful ways.
Yesterday when I was struggling with guilt and anger I knew just who to turn to. Another mommy, a good friend, and someone that I deeply respect. She stays at home full time, but I knew that I could talk to her without any judgement. She didn't say my guilt was justified because her choice was the right one - she told me I was a wonderful mom, and it was just what I needed.
Maybe we should all sing kumbaya together now??? Just kidding... but as corny as it sounds I really feel like I needed to put all this out there. I don't know if I will work this summer, or next semester. I don't know what I will do once we have more than one child. But I am not ready to make those decisions yet, and that is okay. I do know that I have people who will support me either way, and I think that is something that every mom out there needs.
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
First Birthday Pictures
I know, I know. Lydia is over 13 months old! But, better late than never.
My wonderful friend Melissa took these pictures, and she is so amazing. The thing that I love about her (other than that she is so sweet and super talented) is that I didn't even notice her taking pictures - then a couple weeks later she handed over a CD with over 100 awesome edited photos on it. I don't know how she got all the shots! But she did :) Here are some of my most favorite pictures of our girl's big day.
I was so crafty for Lydia's party - and it was a ton of fun! Here are homemade cupcakes with crafted toppers.
We had a snowflake themed party. Even though it was 60 degrees that day, it worked out well.
I also made Lydia's hair bow and tutu, and I got her a cute shirt from the Children's Place. She was so adorable!!
We had some very special guests at the party, including Aunt Jen and Gigi.
After some mingling, it was cupcake time!! She ate the whole thing.
Oh, and I also made her a birthday hat! But, this is how she felt when we tried to put it on...
After the chocolate cupcake it was time for presents! Lydia got so many toys, and lots of fun books.
And what birthday party would be complete without a wagon ride??
My wonderful friend Melissa took these pictures, and she is so amazing. The thing that I love about her (other than that she is so sweet and super talented) is that I didn't even notice her taking pictures - then a couple weeks later she handed over a CD with over 100 awesome edited photos on it. I don't know how she got all the shots! But she did :) Here are some of my most favorite pictures of our girl's big day.
We had some very special guests at the party, including Aunt Jen and Gigi.
After some mingling, it was cupcake time!! She ate the whole thing.
Oh, and I also made her a birthday hat! But, this is how she felt when we tried to put it on...
After the chocolate cupcake it was time for presents! Lydia got so many toys, and lots of fun books.
And what birthday party would be complete without a wagon ride??
Monday, January 21, 2013
13 months
I am currently making a photo book of 2012 and therefore looking back at lots of old pictures of our girl and our family. It is so much fun to remember all of the phases that we went through in 2012 and it makes me look forward to this year as well!
Looking back also makes me want to remember what is happening with Lydia right now. These days I have been taking pictures with my new iPhone instead of my camera, and because my computer is getting realllly old and slow (it is officially a "vintage" Mac now; we hope to get a new one with our tax refund!) it is more difficult to write updates and post new pictures. But I figured I could quickly jot down a few new things that Lydia has been doing lately.
She is still moving like crazy - her walk is sometimes accelerating to a little run, and she loves to climb anything she can. She also loves to dance!!
Her 5th tooth has shot through and another one may be on its way. Her hair is finally starting to get a little longer in the back and it is a dark blonde/auburn color. Her proportions look more toddler-like everyday, and although she hasn't grown out of 12 month clothes yet, she is still getting bigger.
This month Lydia's communication skills have developed like crazy. She now signs "more, please" and "thank you" without us asking her. She is trying to imitate words and sounds constantly - today she "moo"-ed with one of her books when a cow came up, and she has added the word "light" to her vocabulary. It is insane how much she understands. I can ask her to share a toy with a cousin, bring something to an aunt, put away a toy or throw something in the garbage and she understands it all (and listens!). She is very, very rarely grumpy and usually only cries if she is sleepy, or if she hurts herself.
Another huge development for Lydia has been her ability to play on her own. She enjoys sitting by herself and flipping through books, sorting shapes, or playing with her toy kitchen. At home she can entertain herself for up to an hour and it is so neat to see her develop intentionality, interest and an imagination.
Since I have gone back to work she has adjusted perfectly with babysitters. She loves spending time with her Nana, Gigi, and her Aunt Katie and she eats well for everyone and takes an hour nap no problem. She and I spend our afternoons together playing, taking walks, and resting (she takes another hour and half nap each afternoon). I think that Lydia misses her daddy during the day, but each evening they get to play and do bathtime together and I think she looks forward to it.
I am loving this phase of Lydia. She is so much easier than she was as an infant because I understand her needs and wants - and she is able to communicate better with me. Although certain aspects are more exhausting, in general she is just more content now that she is capable of more. It is incredible to me to watch her learn, and I am excited that we are entering a stage when I can morph a little more into teacher rather than solely caregiver.
In short, our baby girl is awesome - and so, so big! Our lives are pretty busy, but we are doing well. And honestly, anytime I get overwhelmed I think back to this time last year - when we were both finishing grad school with a newborn - and I quickly realize how good we have it now.
Looking back also makes me want to remember what is happening with Lydia right now. These days I have been taking pictures with my new iPhone instead of my camera, and because my computer is getting realllly old and slow (it is officially a "vintage" Mac now; we hope to get a new one with our tax refund!) it is more difficult to write updates and post new pictures. But I figured I could quickly jot down a few new things that Lydia has been doing lately.
She is still moving like crazy - her walk is sometimes accelerating to a little run, and she loves to climb anything she can. She also loves to dance!!
Her 5th tooth has shot through and another one may be on its way. Her hair is finally starting to get a little longer in the back and it is a dark blonde/auburn color. Her proportions look more toddler-like everyday, and although she hasn't grown out of 12 month clothes yet, she is still getting bigger.
This month Lydia's communication skills have developed like crazy. She now signs "more, please" and "thank you" without us asking her. She is trying to imitate words and sounds constantly - today she "moo"-ed with one of her books when a cow came up, and she has added the word "light" to her vocabulary. It is insane how much she understands. I can ask her to share a toy with a cousin, bring something to an aunt, put away a toy or throw something in the garbage and she understands it all (and listens!). She is very, very rarely grumpy and usually only cries if she is sleepy, or if she hurts herself.
Another huge development for Lydia has been her ability to play on her own. She enjoys sitting by herself and flipping through books, sorting shapes, or playing with her toy kitchen. At home she can entertain herself for up to an hour and it is so neat to see her develop intentionality, interest and an imagination.
Since I have gone back to work she has adjusted perfectly with babysitters. She loves spending time with her Nana, Gigi, and her Aunt Katie and she eats well for everyone and takes an hour nap no problem. She and I spend our afternoons together playing, taking walks, and resting (she takes another hour and half nap each afternoon). I think that Lydia misses her daddy during the day, but each evening they get to play and do bathtime together and I think she looks forward to it.
I am loving this phase of Lydia. She is so much easier than she was as an infant because I understand her needs and wants - and she is able to communicate better with me. Although certain aspects are more exhausting, in general she is just more content now that she is capable of more. It is incredible to me to watch her learn, and I am excited that we are entering a stage when I can morph a little more into teacher rather than solely caregiver.
In short, our baby girl is awesome - and so, so big! Our lives are pretty busy, but we are doing well. And honestly, anytime I get overwhelmed I think back to this time last year - when we were both finishing grad school with a newborn - and I quickly realize how good we have it now.
Monday, January 14, 2013
While I have a minute...
I haven't been writing lately because we have been adjusting to a new schedule around here. Any hobbies usually go out the window for a while when a change in routine occurs, thus the blog has been pretty bleak. But while I have a minute between chasing a toddler and doing my best body bootcamp routine I thought I would pop in and at least say hello.
The adjustment to being away from Lydia 5 days a week has gone surprisingly well. She is perfectly behaved for all of her babysitters (aka grandmas and aunts), and I still feel like I get to see her throughout the day. I work every morning from 7:30-12:30 which is pretty much the best schedule if I have to work 25 hours a week. By 1 we are home, settled and ready to spend the day together and I love having the whole afternoon and early evening for Lydia and I. The hard adjustment has been waking up at 5:45 and leaving the house at 7:20 with a baby. Each night I kind of dread waking up so early, and the idea of talking in front of 30 people by 8 am seems so exhausting. But once I get to work I really do enjoy it.
At home Lydia and I have settled in to a good routine as well. We hang out until 2, then take Rooney for a walk (if it isn't FREEZING like it was today). She is down for her second nap between 2:30 and 3, and instead of indulging in a snack and a nap on the couch I have been motivated to do my workouts during the hour or hour and a half that she sleeps. I feel so much better and more energized afterwards, so usually after her nap we go to the grocery, take another walk, or play upstairs while I do laundry. By 5:30 David has usually left work, so I take the last 45 minutes without him to cook, unless we are doing dinner with parents. It has been a huge change to not see (or talk to) him between 8 and 6 everyday, but we are getting used to it and it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. We squeeze dinner and playtime with Lydia in between 6:15 and 7:15, then the bedtime routine begins. And we do it all over agian.
It is definitely a little challenging to have both of us working, but I think this is a great way for us to spend our next 4 months. Who knows what will come after that (maybe we will buy a house? maybe I can take another summer off?) but for now, we are all happy and working hard.
I hope to tell you more about how Lydia has been doing soon! She is just so much fun and is growing crazy fast. Also, I have her birthday pictures uploaded, and they are SO good. I plan on posting them tomorrow so keep an eye out. Now it's time to catch up on my workout by indulging in the Bachelor... I am addicted yet again!
The adjustment to being away from Lydia 5 days a week has gone surprisingly well. She is perfectly behaved for all of her babysitters (aka grandmas and aunts), and I still feel like I get to see her throughout the day. I work every morning from 7:30-12:30 which is pretty much the best schedule if I have to work 25 hours a week. By 1 we are home, settled and ready to spend the day together and I love having the whole afternoon and early evening for Lydia and I. The hard adjustment has been waking up at 5:45 and leaving the house at 7:20 with a baby. Each night I kind of dread waking up so early, and the idea of talking in front of 30 people by 8 am seems so exhausting. But once I get to work I really do enjoy it.
At home Lydia and I have settled in to a good routine as well. We hang out until 2, then take Rooney for a walk (if it isn't FREEZING like it was today). She is down for her second nap between 2:30 and 3, and instead of indulging in a snack and a nap on the couch I have been motivated to do my workouts during the hour or hour and a half that she sleeps. I feel so much better and more energized afterwards, so usually after her nap we go to the grocery, take another walk, or play upstairs while I do laundry. By 5:30 David has usually left work, so I take the last 45 minutes without him to cook, unless we are doing dinner with parents. It has been a huge change to not see (or talk to) him between 8 and 6 everyday, but we are getting used to it and it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. We squeeze dinner and playtime with Lydia in between 6:15 and 7:15, then the bedtime routine begins. And we do it all over agian.
It is definitely a little challenging to have both of us working, but I think this is a great way for us to spend our next 4 months. Who knows what will come after that (maybe we will buy a house? maybe I can take another summer off?) but for now, we are all happy and working hard.
I hope to tell you more about how Lydia has been doing soon! She is just so much fun and is growing crazy fast. Also, I have her birthday pictures uploaded, and they are SO good. I plan on posting them tomorrow so keep an eye out. Now it's time to catch up on my workout by indulging in the Bachelor... I am addicted yet again!
Monday, January 7, 2013
Best Body Bootcamp
On January 1st per recommendation of my friend Holly I signed up for Tina's Best Body Bootcamp - an 8 week program that I am hoping will whip me into shape. It was only 25 bucks, and to be honest I kind of signed up on a whim, but today I did the first workout and I LOVED it.
Basically Tina does a ton of work in organizing workouts for all 8 weeks, and all you have to do is open up the email and start. If you are new to working out you may need to follow a lot of the links which bring you to videos of the moves, but that part doesn't take too much time. The structure of the workouts is a circuit structure (so do 10 of these, then 10 of those, then repeat all of it 3 times). She also adds in some cardio circuits which I am in desperate need of, and the best part is that I can do it all at home!
I haven't written recently about fitness or my post-partum progress because, well, there just isn't much to say. Weight-wise I am pretty comfortable and I have a lost a few more pounds than what I gained while pregnant. But, I am still soft, get out of breath easily, and worst of all I am unmotivated. I am currently teaching aerobics twice a week and although I love that it makes me get out to the gym even the classes that I teach are becoming a bit boring. I have been feeling that I need something new; something to get excited about fitness-wise; and something that is challenging.
I hope that these 8 weeks is all of that for me! One thing that I really love about the program is that she encourages you to make 2 health goals a week. This week mine are to take a daily multi-vitamin and go to bed by 10pm each night (since I have to wake up at 5:45 for work!). I like that Tina focuses on overall health rather than purely on exercise, diet and weight.
I took some before pictures and measurements, and as the program progresses I am hoping I can share some positive results with you! I would highly recommend you check out Tina's blog, and that you keep an eye out for her next round of bootcamp.
Basically Tina does a ton of work in organizing workouts for all 8 weeks, and all you have to do is open up the email and start. If you are new to working out you may need to follow a lot of the links which bring you to videos of the moves, but that part doesn't take too much time. The structure of the workouts is a circuit structure (so do 10 of these, then 10 of those, then repeat all of it 3 times). She also adds in some cardio circuits which I am in desperate need of, and the best part is that I can do it all at home!
I haven't written recently about fitness or my post-partum progress because, well, there just isn't much to say. Weight-wise I am pretty comfortable and I have a lost a few more pounds than what I gained while pregnant. But, I am still soft, get out of breath easily, and worst of all I am unmotivated. I am currently teaching aerobics twice a week and although I love that it makes me get out to the gym even the classes that I teach are becoming a bit boring. I have been feeling that I need something new; something to get excited about fitness-wise; and something that is challenging.
I hope that these 8 weeks is all of that for me! One thing that I really love about the program is that she encourages you to make 2 health goals a week. This week mine are to take a daily multi-vitamin and go to bed by 10pm each night (since I have to wake up at 5:45 for work!). I like that Tina focuses on overall health rather than purely on exercise, diet and weight.
I took some before pictures and measurements, and as the program progresses I am hoping I can share some positive results with you! I would highly recommend you check out Tina's blog, and that you keep an eye out for her next round of bootcamp.
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Back In The Swing
This past Thursday I got a huge surprise; and not a good one. After thinking that I had all the way until January 14th until my semester started I realized that classes start on the 7th at one of the schools. As in MONDAY. Needless to say I was really stressed, and also pretty upset at the news.
David started his job on Wednesday and he loves it, which is awesome. I, surprisingly, love it to. I definitely miss him during the day as does Lydia, but I have enjoyed the days that Lydia and I have gotten to spend together and I like having the responsibility of taking care of our home. I was so looking forward to having a full 12 days of adjustment before I also had to go back to work. Not to mention I was counting on all of next week to write syllabi, plan courses, go the DMV to register our new car, make a huge grocery run, etc. etc.
The biggest reason the news was hard though is because right now I really don't want to go back to work. That sounds like such an ungrateful and spoiled thing to say, but it is how I am feeling. Lydia is so much fun these days. She walks around, babbles non-stop, blows kisses, dances to music, makes funny faces, and sits in my lap. I love watching her act with intention and purpose and it is truly a joy to spend my day with her. Obviously we still have our rough moments, but as she goes to bed each night I look forward to when we can read books together again, or play the piano, or cook in her toy kitchen.
I am very thankful that I will only be working part-time, and that by 12:30 everyday I will be home with her playing, and taking care of her. I also know that she will be in great hands, and honestly she will most likely love the change of scenery each day.
After the initial freakout of Thursday, I am okay now. The syllabi are finished and I am working on lesson plans. I still have some things to get together tomorrow and I just have to accept the fact that I am not going to feel completely prepared for the semester to start. But I know that as always I, and Lydia, will adjust quickly and soon enough it will feel like normal life again.
David started his job on Wednesday and he loves it, which is awesome. I, surprisingly, love it to. I definitely miss him during the day as does Lydia, but I have enjoyed the days that Lydia and I have gotten to spend together and I like having the responsibility of taking care of our home. I was so looking forward to having a full 12 days of adjustment before I also had to go back to work. Not to mention I was counting on all of next week to write syllabi, plan courses, go the DMV to register our new car, make a huge grocery run, etc. etc.
The biggest reason the news was hard though is because right now I really don't want to go back to work. That sounds like such an ungrateful and spoiled thing to say, but it is how I am feeling. Lydia is so much fun these days. She walks around, babbles non-stop, blows kisses, dances to music, makes funny faces, and sits in my lap. I love watching her act with intention and purpose and it is truly a joy to spend my day with her. Obviously we still have our rough moments, but as she goes to bed each night I look forward to when we can read books together again, or play the piano, or cook in her toy kitchen.
I am very thankful that I will only be working part-time, and that by 12:30 everyday I will be home with her playing, and taking care of her. I also know that she will be in great hands, and honestly she will most likely love the change of scenery each day.
After the initial freakout of Thursday, I am okay now. The syllabi are finished and I am working on lesson plans. I still have some things to get together tomorrow and I just have to accept the fact that I am not going to feel completely prepared for the semester to start. But I know that as always I, and Lydia, will adjust quickly and soon enough it will feel like normal life again.
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