We made it to a year! If you followed my story once Lydia was born, then you know that our breastfeeding journey hasn't been an easy one. But as I nursed her during her first birthday last weekend I couldn't help but be proud and so, so happy that we pushed through.
The American Association of Pediatrics recommends breastfeeding until a year old, so I knew from the beginning that this was my ultimate goal. Knowing that there were so many benefits to Lydia helped me to get to this point, but it also got a whole lot easier after we introduced solids. Months 6 to 12 were a wonderful chapter in our story. As Lydia began to explore foods and gain sustenance and energy from them I felt as though I were free! Go shopping for a few hours with my mom and sister? Sure! She can just eat some yogurt :) Let Daddy take care of the bedtime routine while I take a much needed break? Absolutely! She can eat a healthy snack before bed and be just fine. I didn't realize how constrained I had felt when Lydia relied solely on me for her nutrition until she no longer did so. There are wonderful and beautiful aspects of being truly needed by your baby; but I won't lie - there are perks of them gaining independence as well.
Another thing that immensely helped to make this chapter more enjoyable was night weaning! Right around 10 months Lydia began sleeping through the night all on her own, and even better, during the nights when she did wake up she allowed David to comfort her back to sleep rather than demanding to nurse. I am aware that we are pretty spoiled in this area - and I know that for me having full nights of rest has helped me to stay purely positive about continuing to breastfeed.
During months 6 to 12, nursing became a source of enjoyment, rest and comfort for both Lydia and I. Now that I am on this side of her first birthday I am simply excited and happy so watch Lydia grow and up, learn and continue to gain independence. But there was definitely a time (around months 9 and 10) when I was sad to see my baby quickly slipping into toddler-hood. I cherished the moments when she would lay still in my lap, look into my eyes, and give me big (now toothy) smiles. It was kind of the best of both worlds in that she didn't completely rely on me for everything anymore, but I still felt very special and important to her.
Physically, breastfeeding is now a breeze for us. No more pain, or engorgement and we have both gotten the hang of nursing in public. I don't have to worry about covering up or what I am going to wear because everything just feels like second nature at this point. Somedays I want so badly to give up the nursing bras (I never did find ones that I loved), but other than that nursing a baby doesn't affect my life in the huge way that it did when Lydia was a newborn. As I continue to lose weight (beyond what I gained when pregnant), I remain thankful that breastfeeding burns extra calories. However, since I am not the sole provider of Lydia's calories I no longer have an insatiable appetite - things are more predictable and I feel like I eat like a normal person these days.
Already I can tell that we are beginning to turn a corner. Before Lydia's first birthday I gave no thought to weaning whatsoever. Ideally, Lydia will wean on her own whenever she is ready. Currently - she is driving me nuts. All she wants when she is around me is to nurse, and it makes her a lot more fussy in general. When I am out of the picture Lydia is a perfectly behaved, happy baby, but lately she has been extra needy around me. I know this could be due to tons of things - teething, growing, being sick, our schedules being nuts due to holidays. As usual I have faith that once the semester begins in mid-January and I am away from Lydia 25 hours a week things will figure themselves out. My guess is that she will gradually begin to want to nurse less and less as I won't be around her when she naturally wants it.
All in all - I can definitely say now that I am a breastfeeding advocate. Not one that looks down on anyone else's own personal decisions; just one that really wants to encourage any mama out there who desires to breastfeed. My sisters-in-law and I have joked that we would like "Livestrong" type bracelets that we could wear around in support of breastfeeders. We want to give high fives to the women who nurse in public - whose baby's long legs extend beyond their laps. Sometimes I get looks when I nurse a baby who just toddled her way over to me, pulled at my shirt and said "nuh, nuh". But that is just fine with me. I really have loved our journey and neither of us are ready to be finished just yet.
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