Yesterday I posted that Lydia and I had gotten into a routine - that things were becoming somewhat predictable and I outlined what a typical day for us would look like. And yesterday all of it went out the window.
She was grumpy all day long, wouldn't take any naps and threw an absolute fit when I tried to go on a walk with her in the stroller. At the end of the day I had to run to the store to get just a few things, and not only did she scream in her carseat, but just as we arrived she pooped a ton in her diaper and, literally, for the first time ever I hadn't brought the diaper bag. I just tell you this to show you that just when you think you have it all together as a mommy you find out you don't.
And actually, that is one of my favorite things about motherhood thus far. I am a big time achiever; I really like to be good at things. I don't think it is in an unhealthy way necessarily, but before having a baby I felt like I was pretty good at the day to day tasks that I managed. Then Lydia was born and I realized that being a good mom looks very different from being a good student or a good teacher. Every day my patience and flexibility is tested - my ability to go with the flow is stretched. And I think that it is how I react to these changes, now how in control of my house or my weight or my schedule I am, that is the difference between being a good mom and a stressed out, striving, unsatisfied mom.
I really love how being a mommy has changed me and even though yesterday was frustrating, at the end of it when we, as a family of 3, were sitting at a park enjoying a picnic dinner and a free concert with our giggling, gorgeous baby I knew that I hadn't failed in any way. Some days are good, some are bad. Sometimes I get to take a walk, sometimes I don't. Some days I am showered by 3 p.m., but yesterday I wasn't. And that really is okay.
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