Our "Sleep Training" Story

* Since this post turned into a novel I made sections...*

 Back Story
Never in my life had I thought I would worry so much about sleep. But once you have a baby it becomes a top priority. You crave sleep because you don't get as much as you used to, and at least for me I worried about getting Lydia the amount of sleep that she needed so that she would grow and thrive like she should.

As I have mentioned before in her monthly posts Lydia started out as a great sleeper - in fact maybe too great. She preferred sleeping over eating during her first 6 weeks and even though this was a struggle for us it was nice to be able to get at least one 4-5 hour stretch of sleep each night. Starting at 6 weeks Lydia started to become aware of her surroundings, particularly of me being with her. She started to wake up every time we laid her down in her pack and play, and this made for a lot of naps taken on our chest or in the Moby. We got a baby swing which solved the nap issue, and as for sleeping at night we decided we would try her out in our bed.

Before she was born I never even thought about co-sleeping as an option but once we tried it and convinced ourselves that it was safe and healthy for us I was in love. I loved everything about her sleeping with us - cuddling in the evenings, waking up to her sweet face in the mornings. Plus, once I had mastered the side-laying nursing I barely had to move when she woke up to eat at night and her night wakings averaged once or twice over a 12 hour period. We were getting some good sleep, and we were all happy with the arrangement so we decided to stick with the strategy until grad school was finished.

Frustration Begins
Around finals time (of course) Lydia started to make it clear that things were changing for her. She needed fewer naps a day but they needed to be good naps, and rather than going to bed with us around 8:30 or 10 she was getting sleepy and grumpy around 8. She was also waking up more at night, flailing around in the bed and getting too warm when she slept next to us. We just tried to make it few the last weeks as well as we could, but we were all becoming less satisfied with our sleep situation.

Once we moved and I stayed home with her for a few days her nap preferences became very clear to me. If she woke up at 9 in the morning she was tired around 10:30, 1:30 and 4 - like clockwork. So I began to anticipate these sleepy times and I could easily nurse her to sleep and then lay her in her swing. She would nap for an hour to an hour and a half each time and then she was happy for the rest of the day! However nights just got harder. Now she was getting sleepy around 7:30, but would wake up every time we laid her down so I was stuck going to bed with her WAY too early or holding her for 3+ hours every night. I should also mention that by now David and I had more free time in the evenings since homework is history (whoo hoo!!) so we were wanting time to ourselves badly. For two weeks we tried anything and everything to get Lydia to sleep independently even if it was just a few hours in the evening. We tried laying her down in her pack and play, in our bed, in her swing. We tried to comfort her immediately after she started crying and then lay her back down but even after 3 1/2 hours she hadn't gotten the message. We tried swaddling her up, feeding her some rice cereal and sneaking out of bed once she was sleeping. Nothing was working.

Implementing a Strategy
After a few nights of tears David and I decided that Lydia needed to sleep independently of us, and for this to happen there was going to be some crying. So I read about a few sleep training methods, we went ahead and set up her crib mattress and nursery and we decided on a week when we could both be committed to getting her to sleep. I mostly used Baby Center and Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child as references - as well as friends' and families' personal advice to devise a plan. The most important point across the board was to be consistent once you start with any kind of sleep strategy. This is what worked for us and I know that sleep is a very controversial thing in the parenting world. But just in case any of you out there may need help in the future I wanted to tell you in detail what it looked like for our family.

Night #1 - I pumped in the morning, and we fed her a 7oz bottle around 7:00. David gave her a bath, and put lotion on her. I was nursing her by 7:30 and she was asleep in my arms by 7:45. I laid her in her crib and we swaddled her legs and laid her with a Boppy pillow around her shoulder area. (The Boppy wouldn't be safe for a younger baby, but at this point Lydia is very mobile with her head and arms.) She woke up at 11:15 and we let her cry for 3 minutes. Then David went in with a pacifier and held her while she cried for another 15 minutes. She finally fell back asleep and he laid her down. She woke up again at 12:30, and since this was more than 4 hours after I had nursed her (that was a sufficient amount of time that I chose personally), I went in and nursed her again, then laid her down. She slept until 6! Then I went in and nursed her and she wasn't falling back asleep easily so I brought her into our bed and she slept until 8:45.

Night #2 - She got a 7 oz bottle at 7, bath and nursed for 20 minutes. When I laid her down she immediately woke up. I left the room and let her cry. After 5 minutes David went in and put her back to sleep with a pacifier, and laid her down. She immediately woke up, and he let her cry for 8 minutes while I took a shower. Then David went back in, repeating the soothing process until she was asleep again. He laid her down, she woke up, we left her to cry for 10 minutes. At this point I was in tears too, so we went upstairs for a few minutes and talked to his dad and step mom. After the 10 minutes Lydia was still crying, so I went in and soothed her to sleep with a pacifier. I laid her down once she was asleep (by this time it was about 9:00) and she slept until 4 in the morning. I went in and nursed her, put her back in the crib and she slept until 8:30.

Night #3 - Bottle, bath and nurse starting at 7, and Lydia stays asleep when she is laid down without any problem. She wakes up around 11 and David goes to soothe her back to sleep (we decided we want to respond to her immediately when she awakes from being asleep). She sleeps until 2:30 when I go into feed her, and then wakes up again around 6:30. I bring her into bed with us and she sleeps until 8:30.

Night #4 - Bottle, bath and nurse starting and 7 and Lydia stays asleep when she is laid down. She wakes up around 9 and David soothes her back to sleep. She wakes up at 3 and I go to feed her and then she wakes up for the day at 8.


Where we are now
Obviously night #2 was the worst, and I know it has only been a few nights but it seems like we are settling into a schedule. She is now much more responsive to David soothing her with a pacifier than she was before, and she is much less sensitive to waking up when we lay her down. I am perfectly happy to get up once or twice over a 12 hour period to feed her since she is still exclusively breastfed, and I am so happy with how things are working out so far! I think Lydia is a very easy baby, and now that David and I have a few hours each evening to be alone and Lydia is sleeping for large chunks of time each night we are all much happier.

She is still taking naps in her swing or her car seat, and they occur pretty regularly: her first nap is 1 1/2 hours after she wakes up, then her second nap is 3 hours later, and her 3rd nap is 2/12 to 3 hours after that. Her first nap lasts for 60-90 minutes, her second lasts for about an hour, and her third lasts for 45-60 minutes. She definitely naps more consistently when she is in her swing, but she also feels comfortable in her car seat which is so convenient! Eventually I would prefer her to take naps in her crib rather than her swing but I think we will wait a couple weeks for that transition.

Every baby is different, and parenting choices are always very personal. As long as you are loving toward your baby and meeting all of their needs I really don't think you can make a wrong decision as a parent. One piece of advice that I have gotten is to just do what you as a mom are comfortable with. When you are comfortable and and happy, your baby will be too. I am happy to say that we are all better rested and less frustrated around these parts! And I kind of feel like I have my life back too :) If you have any questions just leave a comment and I can try to answer you with what worked for us.