Currently I am laying on my couch, not at work, because I have a terrible headache for the third day in a row and my head is spinning. The dizziness has decreased from this morning and since Tylenol has no effect on my whatsoever I am hoping that some rest will help me to feel better. Don’t worry… I have called my doctor and it is all normal.
You see with hormones everything is “normal”.
Since becoming pregnant I have learned about all of the many things that hormones affect. From the expected, like headaches and nausea, to the unexpected, like causing ear aches, congestion and those horribly painful calf cramps that you get in the middle of the night. I have obviously been getting the question, “So, do you like being pregnant?” a lot lately and I never really knew how to answer it. I felt like I would come off as a terrible person if I blurted out, “Actually, no because I have felt AWFUL!”. But at the same time, these past few months have been really hard on my body and on me. On the way to vacation I was expressing these mixed and guilty feelings to David and we had a long conversation, and since then I have been reflecting a lot on it.
I realized during our talk that I had never felt so disconnected from my own body before. Obviously my body is a part of me, but as soon as I got pregnant it seemed that the physical me had some different goals, desires and priorities than the rest of me. Many times it felt like I was at war with my own body… that I had to fight against it just to get though the day. It was such a strange feeling to be pulled in different directions and to have such conflicting feelings and interests.
I have decided that I LOVE being pregnant and that I wouldn’t trade anything that I have experienced for the world. And this change in heart has just come from a change in attitude.
Here was the message to my own body at first:
Dear Body,
Please do your best to create a perfectly healthy baby inside of me. As you do this I expect you to continue you to do all of the things that you have in the past and I also expect that you do it all without affecting my every day life.
Thanks, you’re the best!
Ashley
Obviously, these expectations were way too high. The fact is that pregnancy affects you so much because there are so many things that are changing and happening to create a new human life inside of you! Clearly that is not an easy job. It is nothing my body has ever come close to doing before. So no wonder it is freaking out a little bit. I believe that I have been created by God with the blessing of the ability to have children and that one of the highest purpose of my body is to grow and deliver this baby. However, I can’t expect it to be easy on me.
Rather than feeling at war with my own body I need to start being more understanding. Growing Baby H. inside of me hasn’t been easy so far, but such an amazing thing shouldn’t necessarily be easy! I should just be grateful that I am blessed enough to be carrying this baby and that, with all things considered, I have remained pretty healthy.
I may not be enjoying my food much lately, or be able to exercise like I used to, or be able to work as hard and long as before but I will gladly give all of these things up for these 9 months for the honor of meeting our own child at the end of it. So here is my revised letter to my body :)
Dear Body,
Please do your best to create a perfectly healthy baby inside of me. As you do this I will give you all of the nutrients and rest that you need. I will also continue to strengthen you and build up your endurance as we get ready for labor and delivery. As you change I will cherish it and I will try my best to clothe you well.
We make a great team!
Ashley
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