Off my chest

Just dropping in this morning to say hello...

I have 3 unfinished drafts currently sitting on the blog. One about weaning, another on Lydia's 18 month update, and the title and one sentence about my 14th week of pregnancy. They all seem a bit irrelevant now... So I think I will just move on. As much as I love having this blog for myself to look back on I probably just need to let go of the few months that I lost being so sick and just write about what is happening now. 

Lydia is weaned (and has been for 3 months). We went the cold turkey route not by choice but by necessity. After no eating for two weeks and then throwing up close to 20 times in 3 days David stepped in and insisted that we stop. He was right - I needed to be keeping any nutrients I had for me and the new baby - and it really wasn't too hard on Lydia. After a few days she no longer whined for it, and after two weeks there was no mention of it. This whole pregnancy has made me feel like I am losing my one baby to another... But I think that is a really natural thing to feel. Weaning Lydia definitely contributed a little to the sadness that comes along with this, but also allowed me to start to see her as the amazing big sister that she will be soon.

Lydia is now 19 1/2 months and is just a joy. Perhaps I will revise her update and start on her 20 month one ;)

And this pregnancy is going much better. I am sitting here drinking coffee after having a bowl of cereal and in a few minutes I will leave to go do yoga. The belly is growing and I have energy each day to do a reasonable amount of things. I have been feeling the baby move more and I try so hard to be still in those moments an soak in the gratitude. We will find out the gender in about three weeks and then we will start on a nursery which I am so excited about. Lydia never had an official nursery, and we are planning on finishing her room before the new baby comes as well. I am really looking forward to decorating our kids' (plural!!!) rooms and making our house feel more like a permanent home.

So, now I feel caught up and I hope you do too! I also hope you have a wonderful day :)

Hyperemesis: Round 2

The beginning of my first pregnancy was not easy, and as David and I were talking about the possibility of another baby we were aware that this time could be rough too. I prayed and hoped and sincerely believed that it could be - that maybe this time I wouldn't be as sick; that taking Zofran from the beginning would make things better; that my body wouldn't "freak out" as much this time because I had already done it. However an easy, healthy early pregnancy has alluded me again and here I sit 15 weeks along looking back at the blur and nightmare that the last 11 weeks has been.

This time I was diagnosed early on with hyperemesis. I suspected that I had the illness with my first pregnancy, and after reading more about it and devouring other women's testimonials I was sure that this time around I was suffering from a moderate case of it. The doctor who diagnosed me was so wonderful - he was the first who didn't ask why prenatal vitamin I was taking, or suggest I try putting crackers next to my bedside table so I can eat them before I get out of bed. Finally, someone who understood that what I was going through wasn't morning sickness. He explained to me why I was salivating at a disgusting rate and what I could do to help. He assured me that my labor type pains during digestion were normal. And he didn't give me the "as long as you are urinating twice a day, you are fine" line, but instead suggested that on days when I feel terrible I should come on into the office for a couple IV bags. I left that appointment finally feeling understood and justified. I wasn't a wimp; I wasn't a drama queen. I was legitimately ill with a disease that needs to be taken more seriously.

Many people have asked if it has been worse this time around, and the answer is yes, and no. 

I have remained in a physically healthier place this time. I lost 5 lbs instead of 17. When I went in for IVs my potassium and sodium levels were not as abnormally low as they were in my first pregnancy. I also feel like I kept some of my strength up - although I didn't walk or shower often, I could do these things on my own instead of needing assistance. However I attribute these differences to the fact that I had the intense help of my family this time rather than relying on David while he was working. During the day I was either at my parents' being cared for, encouraged to drink and being handed prepared food, or I was at home with his mom or our sister-in-law checking on me every couple hours. I am not able to explain how grateful I am to family and friends who helped us through this crazy journey by nursing me to health and by taking care of Lydia.

In most other ways things have been much more difficult this time around. I started feeling nauseous at 4 weeks and began vomiting non-stop around 6. Although I had the Zofran the vomiting and extreme nausea did not fade until 10 weeks. Even after 10 weeks I could not eat anywhere close to normally until about 12 weeks, and only in the last couple weeks have I had moments where the nausea has lifted. With my first pregnancy Zofran was my miracle drug - once I had it in my system at 10 weeks I felt a noticeable lift in the nausea and immediately had an appetite. 

Another reason this pregnancy is more challenging is the obvious added responsibility of Lydia. I have had such feelings of guilt about the struggles I have put our little family through. It isn't just me anymore - I am responsible for another person now, and I felt as though I all but disappeared from her life for 3 months. Like I said, our family helped us in amazing ways on this front, and my husband, oh my dear husband, picked up my slack in areas of the house, our bills, grocery shopping, etc. But it was a hard, long 11 weeks and it affected me emotionally I ways that the first pregnancy did not. 

The story is not over, and I know that. On the other side of this challenging season I am beginning to regain perspective and to celebrate the gift of pregnancy. I am starting to get excited to have another baby and to be grateful again for the things in my pregnancy that are going smoothly. I know that other people have it worse, and I know that some people can't get pregnant. I have reminded myself over and over that these sacrifices will be undoubtedly worth it (100 times over) when we meet our new baby. 

At the same time I think it is important to share my story. I know that I have gained so much from reading other women's battle stories. And I think it is important for me to document how I am feeling now so that in the future when (or if) we talk about having another biological child I can look back and attempt to remember what it has been like. I am quite aware that now would be a terrible time to make any kind of decision about future babies, but I also know that this season has been hard in legitimate ways that I don't want to take lightly. 

I hope this post wasn't too awful to read, and I hope you can forgive me for failing to write anything for quite a while. I want to document this pregnancy as well as tell you all about our amazing Lydia, but I have also learned that all I can so is take each day as it comes and focus on what is most important. Thanks for your understanding :) 

Maybe this explains the silence... :)

Lydia already loves her new baby brother or sister... Coming in early January!!

Technical difficulties...

Hello everyone!! So for the past week or so I have been trying to figure out a way to renew my current URL (www.balancingthebeautiful.com) with no success.

At some point it will expire and so for now I will be going back to the old URL (www.davidandashleyharrison.blogspot.com) until I can get things figured out. 

 I wanted to keep you updated because I promise posts are coming soon that you won't  want to miss! I haven't fallen off the face of the earth... Life has just happened and the blog has needed to take a backseat. But I will be back soon. 

The Move

We have officially been sleeping at our new house for a week now and at this point we have 99% of our stuff here as well. Unpacking is a different story - it just takes time and I do what I can during the day with Lydia. Each evening David and I stay up later than usual sorting clothes, unpacking books and trying to organize everything. We have a split level, and currently that is working our really well because we are settled into the upper level and all our stuff is strewn about in the lower level.

After being here for a week I feel like I can pick out my favorite parts about our new home, and can also reflect on what I miss about living with David's dad and stepmom.

My Top 5 Favorite Things

1. Our fenced in backyard - I love, Love, LOVE our yard. I can just open the screen door and feel the morning breeze, hear the birds and let Rooney out to play. Lydia loves to just walk around and sit under the big tree in the afternoon and it offers us so much privacy and space. We knew a big, fenced backyard was important to us and now I know why. I love it.
2. Our own full kitchen - I can cook again!!!! I always had the option to cook where we were too, but even at our old apartment I didn't have the space and convenience that I do here. We have a full fridge, plenty of cabinets and a dishwasher (for the first time!). Everything is just so easy - and because of it I have been cooking oatmeal for breakfast, making sandwiches for lunch and cooking dinner most nights since we have been here.
3. Privacy and rhythms - David and I are able to establish habits again just our own little family, and it is wonderful. I am a routine person and the last year taught me so much about flexibility in really good ways. But I also think that having space to be our family of three is really good too. It has been awesome to find that again. We are finding our own identity with Lydia and without graduate school and it is a beautiful thing.
4. Natural light - I am not going to lie; sometimes last summer I got depressed by living in a basement. There were just days when I needed the light! But with a baby you are stuck indoors for hours due to naps... so light just wasn't available below ground. In our new house there are lots of windows so I get the good vitamin D all day long.
5. A place for everything - Since we got married (almost 4 years ago) David and I have had our STUFF everywhere -  my parents' basement, in boxes, stuffed in closets. But now we have a place for all of it; where we can access it and actually use it!

The Top 5 Things I Miss

1. Being in the place where Lydia grew - Lydia learned to pull up to standing on the piano bench in the living room, and learned to crawl in the downstairs nursery, and took her first steps in the den at David's dad's house. It was hard to leave those places where are baby girl grew so much. She gained confidence and personality surrounded by grandparents and cousins an we truly saw her blossom in that home. But, this is just a part of life. I definitely understand now why people live in the same house their whole lives.
2. Seeing other people - It hasn't happened yet, but I know the day will roll around when I will be lonely, and I never had this problem at our old house. I loved that there were always people to talk to - always people to hand Lydia to when I just needed a minute - always something happening in our old home. That was really a beautiful part of living there.
3. Living within walking distance of a really nice park - I miss President's Park! It was an awesome park that was 1 mile away from our old place. It had swings, baseball fields, slides and memories. We aren't much further from the park now and it would be an easy drive, but walking would involve crossing some busy streets and would just feel a lot longer.
4. Having awesome food that someone else prepared - I guess this contradicts number 2 above, but there are some busy nights when I miss just going upstairs and (most likely) having dinner already there. And there is something awesome about gathering around a big table with lots of people for a good meal.
5. Cable - So shallow but so true. I miss House Hunters! And What Not to Wear. But it is summer, so I shouldn't watch TV anyway...

All in all I have just felt so blessed lately, both for the home that we had and the new home that we have. God had provided in so many ways and we will be forever grateful for the generosity of Jamie and Chip. 

My Little Sister

Yesterday we traveled to Lexington to celebrate my sister's completion of graduate school. She now has her Masters in Speech Pathology and I couldn't be more proud.

She is planning on moving back to nky as well and will be looking for a job in a school. I seriously cannot wait to have my sister in the same city as me again and neither can Lydia. It is easy to say that Aunt Jen is one of her most favorite people.

We love you Aunt Jen!!!

We bought a house... Hooray!

It is so amazing and we feel so thankful and blessed for the opportunity to start building a long term home. There are so many things to say but also so many things to do.

On Saturday we scrubbed the place top to bottom and applied the first coat of paint. Sunday was dedicated to finishing the paint - trim and all. Today my mom and I organized lots of kitchen stuff and put up our new bathroom stuff while the guys replaced the oven hood, hung curtains, tore down some drywall (it is ok- everything looks fine) and replaced outlet covers.

Combine that with jobs and chores and a precious toddler and we are so busy! And exhausted. And happy :)

More pictures and updates to come as we get settled.